Dealing with power struggles in a relationship is something that a lot of people seem to forget to consider when they are first beginning their life journey with someone else. This can cause you to become strained when you and your partner find yourselves competing for control and dominance, fighting over who should have more influence and decision-making power. These power struggles often result in conflicts expressed through arguments, emotional withholding, passive-aggressive actions, or attempts to subtly undermine each other.
Today we will be discussing how to identify, understand, resolve and ultimately avoid these issues all together. However, it will require work, open and honest communication, a willingness to compromise, and a foundation of mutual respect between both partners. We will begin by defining what a power struggle actually means in the context of a relationship so that you can identify it whenever it comes up.
Key Takeaways
- It’s important to realize that power struggles are often rooted in insecurity, difference in values/priorities, lack of emotional maturity.
- Sadly, power struggles in a relationship often result in unsatisfied and unfulfilled couples that live with more emotional distress, higher levels of resentment, and ultimately a higher chance of breaking up all together.
- When you make an effort to understand and empathize with your partner, it can significantly help prevent power struggles in your relationship
What is a couple power struggle?
Power struggles can happen when two people in a relationship try to control or dominate shared aspects of their lives together. This often happens when it comes to making big decisions such as setting rules and boundaries, creating life goals, or even with deciding on smaller, everyday things like where to eat or what movie to watch.
It can be almost like a tug-of-war where both partners pull in different directions even though they are supposed to be playing on the same team. As much as we think this will never happen to us, it is almost inevitable to show up at some point. Even if you and your partner and very similar and share the same hobbies, the human personality and spirit are so complex that you will likely want to do even the same activities in your own different ways.
Potential root causes of power struggles in a relationship
It’s important to realize that power struggles are often rooted in insecurity, difference in values/priorities, and lack of emotional maturity.
Individual Insecurity
Insecurity in a relationship often leads to power struggles because individuals may feel the need to assert control in order to compensate for their feelings of inadequacy or fear of vulnerability. it is not uncommon for someone to feel uncomfortable with doing things that have been decided or initiated by another person, even if it is their partner.
This is sometimes a result of childhood trauma where children that had no control over their own lives due to overbearing parents grow up needing to take control of everything to compensate for how they felt as a child. What ever the reason for your insecurities, it is necessary to take the time to self-reflect and figure out if that is the root your power struggles.
Difference in values
A core difference in values is the cause of many couples battling over what decisions are made and who makes them. For example, studies have shown that money is one of the most common things that couples fight about. if someone was raised with strong money-saving principles and their partner was raised with zero education about money management, then you can pretty much guarantee that there will be conflict and each will try to push their own method onto the other.
Lack of emotional maturity
A common struggle for any relationship can form when one or both partners lack a certain amount of maturity in order to function as a healthy couple in a long-term commitment. Some people control every aspect of their relationship because they are simply selfish. They care more about their own happiness than the happiness of their partner. As sad as it is to say this, it is just a reality of life. A lot of people get into relationships for their own personal satisfaction. Hopefully this is not something you are dealing with, but if you are, then it is good to be aware of it.
Why are power struggles so dangerous?
Sadly, power struggles in a relationship often result in unsatisfied and unfulfilled couples that live with more emotional distress, higher levels of resentment, and ultimately a higher chance of breaking up all together. Even if the relationship doesn’t end, the long-term damage from ongoing power struggles can make it difficult to rebuild trust and intimacy.
This is why you should do everything in your power (no pun intended I swear) to make sure that you have a plan and resources to make sure this does not happen to you. That is why I am going to give you some seriously effective and realistic solutions as well as actionable steps that you can take to prevent and avoid this type of conflict.
Ways to make healthier decisions as a couple
Frequent communication:
- In my experience, I’ve found that open and honest communication is crucial in relationships. It empowers partners to express their needs and concerns without resorting to controlling or manipulative behaviors. By promoting transparency and understanding, communication can prevent conflicts caused by misunderstandings and assumptions. This fosters mutual respect and empathy, allowing partners to negotiate and find compromises that work for both. Ultimately, addressing issues directly and constructively reduces the likelihood of power struggles and contributes to a more balanced and harmonious relationship.
Practicing empathy and understanding:
- When you make an effort to understand and empathize with your partner, it can significantly help prevent power struggles in your relationship. Empathy means trying to see things from your partner’s viewpoint, respecting their emotions and needs without passing judgment. By genuinely listening and showing empathy, you create a supportive atmosphere where both of you feel heard and valued. This approach reduces the chances of conflicts escalating into power struggles because it encourages teamwork instead of a battle for dominance. Understanding your partner’s feelings and reasons allows for better communication, addressing root problems, and finding solutions that work for both of you. In the end, practicing empathy builds trust, strengthens emotional connections, and nurtures a respectful and compassionate relationship.
Making compromises:
- In any relationship, it’s so important to make compromises. Both of you need to be willing to give and take. Finding middle ground that respects each other’s needs and desires is crucial. By prioritizing mutual understanding and cooperation over individual demands, compromises foster a sense of equality and respect. This reduces the chances of conflicts turning into unhealthy competitions for control.
Having mutual respect:
- In a relationship, it’s super important to have mutual respect. This means really valuing each other’s opinions, boundaries, and independence, and treating each other with kindness and thoughtfulness. When both partners approach disagreements with respect and a willingness to understand each other’s perspectives, they can work through conflicts in a more positive way and keep the relationship healthy and balanced.
The power of self-reflection
One of the best ways to make sure that you can avoid dealing with power struggles in a relationship is taking the time to stop, think, and self-reflect on any aspects of your personality that could potentially cause you to lean towards taking control of decisions in a future relationship. I am a firm believe in the idea that the better you know yourself, the better you can take care of your partner because you can actively work on your flaws and weaknesses.
Conclusion
A power struggle occurs when two individuals in a relationship attempt to assert control or dominance over shared aspects of their lives together. This can stem from feelings of insecurity, differing values, emotional immaturity, or childhood trauma. Such struggles often lead to dissatisfaction, emotional distress, resentment, and an increased risk of separation for the couple. To make healthier decisions as a couple, it is essential to engage in open communication, encourage transparency and understanding, cultivate mutual respect and empathy. By directly and constructively addressing issues, the likelihood of power struggles can be reduced, leading to a more balanced and harmonious relationship. Understanding yourself as well as empathizing with your partner is crucial in dealing with power struggles in your relationship.
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